I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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