I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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