Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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