angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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