...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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