i permit you to call me
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
