I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
