i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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