Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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