so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
