my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
