somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
