everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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