Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
