She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
