I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
