Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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