all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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