Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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