well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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