He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We have so much sex to catch up on
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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