you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
