She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
