My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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