guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
