Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
