Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
