I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
This house was built for laser tag.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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