yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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