if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I am naked and annoyed.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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