He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
