Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
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