i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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