After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
