I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
