don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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