That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
