He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
