He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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