Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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