Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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