now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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