the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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