The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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