did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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