Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
