The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
