okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
