glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
