If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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