Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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