You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
