we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
