im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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