I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
