Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize