I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
