We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
