just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
