im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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