She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
