yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize