My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
