so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize