You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
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