Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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