It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize