things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
