I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
