He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
