no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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