Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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