I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
