is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
