So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
