8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
