At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
it's great music for shaving your balls
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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