i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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