he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
