we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We are two peas in an std pod
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
