so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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