He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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