Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize