So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
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