Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
