I want to have your abortion
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
