Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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