I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
