Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
