I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
