that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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