just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
