i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
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I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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