Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
