Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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