There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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