i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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