I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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