I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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