you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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