Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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