it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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