"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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