im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
