If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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