Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
