the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
