I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
operation harelip BJ is a go
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
