I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
