My cat gives me a boner
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
