I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize