why im i the only drunk person in the library?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
