When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
