Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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