and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
