I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize