AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
