Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
