okay pat passed out under dana's car
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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