Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
