dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize