Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
