She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize